My First Emancipation

Seems like I've been bitching a lot about other people's kids and bad parenting in general, so I will continue in that vein today by celebrating the emancipation of one unfortunate San Francisco child.

I was waiting at the Muni stop nearby a playground and spotted something unusual dangling over the fence. Upon closer inspection, I discovered that the object was a the cord to a baby leash. Not just any ol' horrible baby leash, but one of this truly evil new-fangled leashes that disguises itself as a deceptively cute, plush children's stuffed animal hybrid backpack. I saw one of these things for the first time at a wedding that I recently attended. The father was following his toddler around, at strap's distance, as his son wore the plush backpack during his very limited walk around the backyard. It looked exactly like he was walking a dog. Parents who leash their children are still wrong, even if the leash is slightly cuter than restraining devices of yesteryear.

Did the leash get detached in a moment of weakness with one of the weathly, controlling leash-owning parents? Was it guilt? Shame? Or perhaps the parent was using this off-the-leash moment of freedom as a reward for their child's good behavior. But then they got distracted by a phone call and the child wandered off and the cord was left behind. That's when I came along and stole it. It felt real good, like releasing all the animals from the cages in the pet store. Freedom now!
I am the youngest of six children and I grew up on the 70s, when moms let their kids fall and get lost and wander off. And we all survived sans restraining devices. Perhaps that's because in the 70s, parents believed in babysitters and not attempting to take their kids where they couldn't provide their undivided attention. They even chased after us when we ran away. And taught us the meaning of "no" and "stay" and "sit." Oh well free child, whoever you are, hope you enjoy that cute backpack!