What fuels the suburbs
I'm still against blogging, as the title of this blog indicates, but I'm so bored out of my fuckwad right now, that I can find nothing better to do. I'm at my parents house, which is in a suburb outside of Boston. It pains me.
My mom is watching a reality TV show about "celebrities" who are trying to lose weight. Daniel Baldwin was on. Uhh, he's supposedly a Baldwin brother. But he was fat and not in a single movie that I could think of. Mom is so into that shit. She's also keen on Dr. Phil and very excited about his two-part series on the 19-year-old "sexual predator" (Phil's words, which she just loves to quote).
Last week, I wrote a very angry to Dr. Phil. He was patronizing some guest about her need to buy fashions and accessories that she'd seen celebrities wear. He was all, "Don't let them fool you. You're being marketed to." Then he reaches under his seat and says, "Now audience, you may all reach under your seats and you'll find a copy of my latest book Family Time: the Anti-Fashion Solution." And everyone clapped and happily grasped their Dr. Phil books. "And....you'll all going to get a FREE brand-new Dodge Omni!!" Then a Dodge Omni commercial came on and the man at the dealership was test driving the Dodge Omni with a customer, and the customer asked to pull over so he could stop into Wal*Mart and buy a copy of the new Dr. Phil book, "Family Time: The Anti-Fashion Solution." And the weirdest thing was that the very next commercial was a Wal*Mart commercial and guess who was in it? Thats right...Dr. Phil. Cross-commercialism at its finest.
And even though i wrote that nasty letter to Dr. Phil chastising him for scolding the guest on his show who'd fallen prey to slick advertisements that had crept onto the red carpet at the high-profile Hollywood events, I found my self so desperately wanting to get into my Dodge Omni and speed like my life depended on it to the nearest Wal*Mart to get that plump, knowledge-filled masterpiece, "Family Time: the Anti-Fashion Solution," because that's just what I want to be reading right now. In the suburbs. While my mom watches the Oscars "just so I can see what all the ladies are wearing."
No fucking lie.
My mom is watching a reality TV show about "celebrities" who are trying to lose weight. Daniel Baldwin was on. Uhh, he's supposedly a Baldwin brother. But he was fat and not in a single movie that I could think of. Mom is so into that shit. She's also keen on Dr. Phil and very excited about his two-part series on the 19-year-old "sexual predator" (Phil's words, which she just loves to quote).
Last week, I wrote a very angry to Dr. Phil. He was patronizing some guest about her need to buy fashions and accessories that she'd seen celebrities wear. He was all, "Don't let them fool you. You're being marketed to." Then he reaches under his seat and says, "Now audience, you may all reach under your seats and you'll find a copy of my latest book Family Time: the Anti-Fashion Solution." And everyone clapped and happily grasped their Dr. Phil books. "And....you'll all going to get a FREE brand-new Dodge Omni!!" Then a Dodge Omni commercial came on and the man at the dealership was test driving the Dodge Omni with a customer, and the customer asked to pull over so he could stop into Wal*Mart and buy a copy of the new Dr. Phil book, "Family Time: The Anti-Fashion Solution." And the weirdest thing was that the very next commercial was a Wal*Mart commercial and guess who was in it? Thats right...Dr. Phil. Cross-commercialism at its finest.
And even though i wrote that nasty letter to Dr. Phil chastising him for scolding the guest on his show who'd fallen prey to slick advertisements that had crept onto the red carpet at the high-profile Hollywood events, I found my self so desperately wanting to get into my Dodge Omni and speed like my life depended on it to the nearest Wal*Mart to get that plump, knowledge-filled masterpiece, "Family Time: the Anti-Fashion Solution," because that's just what I want to be reading right now. In the suburbs. While my mom watches the Oscars "just so I can see what all the ladies are wearing."
No fucking lie.
posted by Freewendy @ 8:58 PM
2 Comments:
At 10:08 PM,
Grandma said…
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
At 10:11 PM,
Grandma said…
Dude, yo. Have you read Dr. Phil's Guide to Selling Out? I read it today at the Wal*Mart snack bar. After a jumbo diet Coke, I can burp the entire third chapter!
I want to sensually rub that man's head with some baby oil. Ooooh HOT. Mmm.
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