aspirational hand jobs

I've secretly always wanted to have a job that requires me to work with my hands. Not that I don't use my hands every day in my current job, but I mean an occupation based on a craft. A craftsman!

Sometimes when I'm getting a haircut, I think I'd make a good hair stylist. Given the chance, I'd like to play with people's hair and snip the day away. I'd focus on guy's haircuts, because they seem pretty simple. My sister-in-law has been chopping hair for the past 15 years. She tells me that all salons have an undercurrent of gossip, rumor spreading, and oftentimes backstabbing. That's why I'd stick to the barber shop. Just me and the guys and some clippers. Maybe grab a beer after work on Fridays. The upside is that you can listen to the radio all day, you don't spend much time with the same person, and everyone needs your service. Half of the job is chatting with the customers, which seems cool, but I guess it could probably get old after the first two weeks. I'd probably start to get annoyed and secretly loathe some of my regulars. I'd dread their upcoming appointments, but I'd need the money. Trapped! (Does your barber hate you?) Maybe this isn't the job for me.

Another thing I think I'd love to do is build. I'm amazed and awestruck with any anyone who can just get an idea for something, hit the hardware store, and make it happen. Making furniture, building tree houses, or helping build homes. I want to volunteer for Habitat for Humanity and do the real hands-on stuff. Do they teach you the basics? Someday I really will do this one, but for now I don't trust myself. I once put together a dresser and once the glue was dry and the screws were screwed, I realized that I assembled all five drawers inside out. I cried, then had to bang out each drawer with a hammer, thereby chipping the corners off all five drawers. And I'm still mad at myself for paying $5 for a single screwdriver when i first moved to San Francisco. Ugh. I did enjoy woodshop in middle school, so maybe there is some hope.

The other manual skill that fascinates me is sewing. I have a small HandyStitch (TM) "As Seen on TV," but it mostly shys away from ambitious projects and remains in a big box of fabric scraps in the closet. I keep this box there in case one day I wake up and suddenly have acquired the skills to sew. (So far, no luck.) One of these days I'll get around to taking a class, I suppose. I'll be making my own patchwork overalls and matching caps in no time. I'll be creating my own fashions faster than you can say "Hammer Pants."

But these days, the only time I use my hands at my job is to type on the keyboard and occasionally file some paper. No tasks that yield mowhawks or custom furniture or homemade prom dresses. So cheers to all of you who've made a career from your hobby or a craft that you love, from all of us who are plagued with big ideas and no skills.