now hiring imaginary musicians

My current imaginary rock band is called "Mouth Full of Milk." In my rock fantasy, we start our shows with our mouths filled with soymilk (the audience would probably think it's cow's milk) and then when we start to sing, all the milk would come rushing out of our mouths, dripping down our persons, kinda like blood from the mouth of a vampire.

Ideally, it'd be a hard rock band, but all the songs I've written are pretty much just jingles. I have one about needing a haircut (that I sing often) called "Somebody Cut My Hair With Your Scissors," which is more like an opera than a jingle. I have one that politely indicates that my better half should shut up, called "You Can Quiet Down Now," which is sung like a lullabye. And then there's the one that I sing in the bathroom called "Pee Pee Feels Good, Comin' Out Me," which is definitely a gregorian chant. "Meat Tenderizer" could be considered hard rock, but sometimes is bluesy. So the problem is that none of my actual songs fit the Mouth Full of Milk image. I think I might have to fire myself.

The other night, I was drinking champagne with two blueberries in it. I got inspired to change the name of my imaginary band to "The Electric Blueberry Champagne Explosion." I think that with a name like that, my music could be more like that of Queen or Aerosmith, melding the hard rock and opera together in a sexy, embarrassing way.