Stop the mashing, Sand Pussy!
Puerto Viejo is an interesting little town. You see lots of things you wouldn't expect to see in a tropical paradise. For one thing there's lots of trash scattered around the streets and some on the beach. (Part of that was the whole party town thing and the lack of municipal trash collection.) Then, you got your random two-foot long dead fish hanging from a set of bicycle handlebars, trashcans that say "Jesus is Lord" on them, and barefoot children playing with machetes. Of all the head-turning sights, the strangest most disturbing of all sights was the Sand Pussy we saw at Playa Cocles.
We took a long walk through the jungle to get there, and we set our stuff down in the sand during the heat of the day. It was burning hot, full sun and we are just 7 degrees north of the equator, so the sun's rays are muthafuckin' powerful. I look over next to me and I see this stocky middle aged woman in a one-piece bathing suit, mashing her pussy into the wet sand. (Pussy is not a word I regularly use, but how else could one describe it, considering this behavior?) She was doing a split on the sand, no blanket or towel beneath her, and slowly rocking her hips so that the sand got all over her. Her unflattering one piece was twisting and contorting in an odd fashion and every limb was covered in clumps of gritty soaked sand. Was this some kind of yoga? Yoga on the beach seems like a somewhat acceptable concept, but what happened next rules out that theory.
We tried to ignore her, laying back and enjoying the peaceful sound of the ocean, but when we got up to dip into the water the Sand Pussy became more troubling. She was doing this, for five minutes straight.
Not the actual Sand Pussy, but identical position
Okay, is it just me or is the beach just totally fucking off limits for an activity that causes sweating??? I've always thought the beach, particularly on the Carribean Sea, would be a place solely dedicated to sunning, drinking beers, reading a novel and going for a swim. After the 5-minute stomach crunch, the insane Sand Pussy did 50 crunches, then 50 more extending her elbow to her knee, then 50 more with the other elbow touching the other knee. The workout went on and on, no matter how many times we tuned out, eventually we'd look up and start cracking up again. It was 90 degrees out! It was peak sun hours! Was this woman suicidal? Hello...sunstroke??
When she started doing push-ups we agreed that it was time to get the FUCK out of there. Her exertion was too disconcerting for our paradise. We headed back to the beach by Rockin J's, where all the lazy people were sunning on rocks and drinking coconuts in the shallow water.
We took a long walk through the jungle to get there, and we set our stuff down in the sand during the heat of the day. It was burning hot, full sun and we are just 7 degrees north of the equator, so the sun's rays are muthafuckin' powerful. I look over next to me and I see this stocky middle aged woman in a one-piece bathing suit, mashing her pussy into the wet sand. (Pussy is not a word I regularly use, but how else could one describe it, considering this behavior?) She was doing a split on the sand, no blanket or towel beneath her, and slowly rocking her hips so that the sand got all over her. Her unflattering one piece was twisting and contorting in an odd fashion and every limb was covered in clumps of gritty soaked sand. Was this some kind of yoga? Yoga on the beach seems like a somewhat acceptable concept, but what happened next rules out that theory.
We tried to ignore her, laying back and enjoying the peaceful sound of the ocean, but when we got up to dip into the water the Sand Pussy became more troubling. She was doing this, for five minutes straight.
Not the actual Sand Pussy, but identical position
Okay, is it just me or is the beach just totally fucking off limits for an activity that causes sweating??? I've always thought the beach, particularly on the Carribean Sea, would be a place solely dedicated to sunning, drinking beers, reading a novel and going for a swim. After the 5-minute stomach crunch, the insane Sand Pussy did 50 crunches, then 50 more extending her elbow to her knee, then 50 more with the other elbow touching the other knee. The workout went on and on, no matter how many times we tuned out, eventually we'd look up and start cracking up again. It was 90 degrees out! It was peak sun hours! Was this woman suicidal? Hello...sunstroke??
When she started doing push-ups we agreed that it was time to get the FUCK out of there. Her exertion was too disconcerting for our paradise. We headed back to the beach by Rockin J's, where all the lazy people were sunning on rocks and drinking coconuts in the shallow water.
posted by Freewendy @ 6:18 PM
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