Pimp My Ride
I bitch about Muni a lot. I don't drive, so I have no other option for getting to work. It's my best friend and my worst enemy. At the end of the day, truth be told, I secretly love it. I love how the lives of thousands of people are smashed into each other, bumped up against one another, and bunched up in a furiously complicated and unavoidable way. All of us, just trying to get from A to B.
No matter what combination of what types of people, no matter what day it is or time of day, no matter what line you're riding... it's like clockwork: Once that bus or train gets packed to its limit, someone is going to blow. I've gone through an entire week of riding to work and not missing a single day of angst-ridden commuting that results in a shouting match. Unlike driving, when you have the freedom to flip someone off then tear away from the scene, riding Muni pits you against your enemy in the flesh. Throbbing emotion, no elbow room, dozens of witnesses. And this boxing ring has no ropes. It's got wheels!
I decided that it's time to document these daily explosions in order to try to make some sense out of them. My hypothesis for the commute rage involves the common combination of overcrowded buses, rainy season, rush hour, and passengers who are unable to cope with emotions. This may result in a pie chart. All of these factors play into a bus of uncomfortable passengers, but that's only the backdrop for the real action.
Last Thursday
It was rush hour, and super crowded. I hop on the bus at Duboce & Castro and it's so full that I can't even pass the yellow line up by the driver (the one you're not supposed to stand in front of). I kind of like standing up there because I can see all the controls and read the digital displays, though I have to concentrate so that I don't focus on the fact that one short stop and I'm launched through the windshield. Anyway, after a few blocks we get to Castro, and lots of people get off. This is when I shimmy to the back and grab a seat. A hoard of new passengers board, and it's just as crowded as before within seconds.
My front row seat puts me adjacent to the passengers in the front half of the bus who've got sideways seats. As I stare out the window, wondering why I am so energetic and alert at the day's end, I hear a man directly in front me of saying, "Oh please! Come on! People and their cell phones!" He is speaking to himself in an angry but mumbling tone. The woman standing up in front of him is about the same age as him, late 40s, and she's grabbing on to the railing for balance with one hand and has her other hand on her cell phone. She's talking in a normal tone, nothing like the screaming teenagers in the back of the bus.
"STOP SPEAKING IN MY FACE! TALK SOMEWHERE ELSE! LADY, I DON'T WANT TO HEAR YOU ON YOUR FUCKING CELL PHONE!!!" he suddenly yells.
The woman on the phone ignores him and continues her discussion.
"PEOPLE AND THEIR FUCKING CELL PHONES! I'M TIRED OF IT. I WISH EVERYBODY ELSE WOULD STOP PRETENDING IT'S NOT RUDE. GET OUT OF MY FACE LADY.....BURP!"
I was rather impressed that he could burp on command, especially in the midst of an angry tirade. What a useful tactic! Normally I pretend not to care that people are talking loudly on their phones, but secretly I'm seething. But not today. I was in a good mood, the woman was relatively quiet, and the bus was so crowded that I was just happy to have a seat, no less a window seat.
He continued to harass the woman, and suddenly she snapped back, "AN AGING QUEEN WHINING ISN'T CUTE. QUIT YOUR RANTING, IT'S JUST NOT CUTE!"
"GET OUT OF MY FACE, YOU OLD UGLY DYKE!" he yelled.
Things suddenly got quiet. People around started paying attention. Was this two gays gay-bashing each other!?!? In the Castro of all places!
She screamed back, "I'M PROUD TO BE AN OLD DYKE! FUCK YOU!" They squabbled more, and she admitted that she shouldn't have called him an aging queen. She kept her cell phone conversation going.
"FUCK YOU, YOU BITCH! YOU'RE TALKING IN MY FACE AND I CAN'T STAND IT. GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME!" he continued with his already overstated point. Now the girl next to me is pissed, and she's starting to make small comments "God!" and "What the hell, he's crazy!" Somehow, I kept quiet through it all.
"FUCK YOU! FUCK ALL OF YOU AND YOUR FUCKING CELL PHONES!" he yelled at her, as he got up out of his seat. "OUT OF MY WAY, OUT OF MY WAY, OUT OF MY WAY, I'M GETTING OFF!" he yelled angrily as he tore through the crowd.
The cell phone woman got to take his seat after he left, and nearby passengers agreed that the man, though seemingly normal in appearance, had some major issues. And onward we rolled, for another 20 minutes into the commute.
No matter what combination of what types of people, no matter what day it is or time of day, no matter what line you're riding... it's like clockwork: Once that bus or train gets packed to its limit, someone is going to blow. I've gone through an entire week of riding to work and not missing a single day of angst-ridden commuting that results in a shouting match. Unlike driving, when you have the freedom to flip someone off then tear away from the scene, riding Muni pits you against your enemy in the flesh. Throbbing emotion, no elbow room, dozens of witnesses. And this boxing ring has no ropes. It's got wheels!
I decided that it's time to document these daily explosions in order to try to make some sense out of them. My hypothesis for the commute rage involves the common combination of overcrowded buses, rainy season, rush hour, and passengers who are unable to cope with emotions. This may result in a pie chart. All of these factors play into a bus of uncomfortable passengers, but that's only the backdrop for the real action.
Last Thursday
It was rush hour, and super crowded. I hop on the bus at Duboce & Castro and it's so full that I can't even pass the yellow line up by the driver (the one you're not supposed to stand in front of). I kind of like standing up there because I can see all the controls and read the digital displays, though I have to concentrate so that I don't focus on the fact that one short stop and I'm launched through the windshield. Anyway, after a few blocks we get to Castro, and lots of people get off. This is when I shimmy to the back and grab a seat. A hoard of new passengers board, and it's just as crowded as before within seconds.
My front row seat puts me adjacent to the passengers in the front half of the bus who've got sideways seats. As I stare out the window, wondering why I am so energetic and alert at the day's end, I hear a man directly in front me of saying, "Oh please! Come on! People and their cell phones!" He is speaking to himself in an angry but mumbling tone. The woman standing up in front of him is about the same age as him, late 40s, and she's grabbing on to the railing for balance with one hand and has her other hand on her cell phone. She's talking in a normal tone, nothing like the screaming teenagers in the back of the bus.
"STOP SPEAKING IN MY FACE! TALK SOMEWHERE ELSE! LADY, I DON'T WANT TO HEAR YOU ON YOUR FUCKING CELL PHONE!!!" he suddenly yells.
The woman on the phone ignores him and continues her discussion.
"PEOPLE AND THEIR FUCKING CELL PHONES! I'M TIRED OF IT. I WISH EVERYBODY ELSE WOULD STOP PRETENDING IT'S NOT RUDE. GET OUT OF MY FACE LADY.....BURP!"
I was rather impressed that he could burp on command, especially in the midst of an angry tirade. What a useful tactic! Normally I pretend not to care that people are talking loudly on their phones, but secretly I'm seething. But not today. I was in a good mood, the woman was relatively quiet, and the bus was so crowded that I was just happy to have a seat, no less a window seat.
He continued to harass the woman, and suddenly she snapped back, "AN AGING QUEEN WHINING ISN'T CUTE. QUIT YOUR RANTING, IT'S JUST NOT CUTE!"
"GET OUT OF MY FACE, YOU OLD UGLY DYKE!" he yelled.
Things suddenly got quiet. People around started paying attention. Was this two gays gay-bashing each other!?!? In the Castro of all places!
She screamed back, "I'M PROUD TO BE AN OLD DYKE! FUCK YOU!" They squabbled more, and she admitted that she shouldn't have called him an aging queen. She kept her cell phone conversation going.
"FUCK YOU, YOU BITCH! YOU'RE TALKING IN MY FACE AND I CAN'T STAND IT. GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME!" he continued with his already overstated point. Now the girl next to me is pissed, and she's starting to make small comments "God!" and "What the hell, he's crazy!" Somehow, I kept quiet through it all.
"FUCK YOU! FUCK ALL OF YOU AND YOUR FUCKING CELL PHONES!" he yelled at her, as he got up out of his seat. "OUT OF MY WAY, OUT OF MY WAY, OUT OF MY WAY, I'M GETTING OFF!" he yelled angrily as he tore through the crowd.
The cell phone woman got to take his seat after he left, and nearby passengers agreed that the man, though seemingly normal in appearance, had some major issues. And onward we rolled, for another 20 minutes into the commute.
posted by Freewendy @ 3:03 PM
1 Comments:
At 4:02 PM,
Anonymous said…
I'm glad he snapped and did it, so now I don't have to wonder what would happen if it had been me yelling about the FUCKING CELL PHONES! You know how DC is, though. Someone would either be torn to pieces when all the repressed emotions bubbled to the surface, or the person on the phone would just continue to ignore the guy as he yelled.
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