does doo doo fly?

I was discussing reading on the toilet a while back with my pal Nigel Morphine. My bathroom has a small library of bizarre books, from Fabio’s fiction to “Where Satan Dwells” and some second-rate fiction from the 40s about brothels in San Francisco. There mostly there for decoration, but of course we put them there for Toilet Readers to enjoy, should they need to spend some time in the bathroom and want some diversion. Nigel says reading on the toilet is something he won’t do, because he says feces could easily be spread to the pages of those books.

You’re always hearing about the tiny microscopic bits of fecal matter that are traveling around your bathroom lunging toward your toothbrush, and while I’m not debating that fact, it’s somehow not powerful enough to make me avoid keeping my things in the bathroom. Because for 30 years now, I have kept my toothbrush and other intimate items in the very same room as the bodily waste receptacle and so far, I’m still alive. I mean, I'm sure I'm covered head to toe in other people's feces, but for the most part I'm pretty normal.

And so these books in my bathroom that are perched above my pot, like my toothbrush, may contain cellular bits and microscopic fragments of backsplash. But the way I see it, none of them could possibly compare to the filth I sit on every day on the Muni and BART. How often do you think they wash those seats and poles? I have seen many a passenger with open wounds, dangling scabs, and active urine on their person. I’ve also heard that money is the dirtiest thing you could ever tough, but fecal matter or not, I’d still suck on a $100 bill if you’d let me keep it.

Germs: fear them or love them? I wonder how others generally feel about reading on the toilet and keeping literature in close proximity to the can.