watching teenage hearts crush

Today I was asked by a 14-year-old to type up a love note to the girl he likes. In truth, I was more of an editor on this project. I advised him to remove the line about the other guy she said she likes instead of him. He wanted to say, "I know you said you like someone else and if you be together, then they are real, real lucky to be with a girl like you." C'mon, dude, don't mention the competition. Keep it real. He said he was just trying to be nice. I reminded him that being nice wasn't the point of the letter. Gettin' some is the point of it, right?

I made him promise not to throw this note at her and run away. The delivery is a critical step in giving someone an expression of your true feelings: you must be present for the giving. Best to hand over the note after a short and delightful, confident conversation. Don't drop it in her locker or leave it on her desk, and whatever you do NEVER give it to someone to give to her, because they're going to read it and make fun of you. How and when you give a girl the note is sometimes more important than what the note says. The note should be an afterthought to your actions.

This is what we ended up with, which I think is pretty sweet:

Even though I know you don’t want to hear my true feelings cause you said you would feel bad, I want to be honest with you. This letter will say it all. I really, really want you and I to be together, because you’re sweet, you’re different than other girls, and I like how we connect when we talk to each other.

You see us as friends, and even if things stay that way, I hope you know I think you’re really special and a good friend to me.

-David

In this day and age of IM and email and chatrooms and whatnot, I find it rather charming that the old fashioned love note is still part of the game. I can remember writing notes very similar to this one, even up to and through college. The You Should Like Me note. It's the last attempt in a failing effort to get the one you're pining for, as if by some miracle your writing style or the compliments you deliver are going to change that person's mind. It's one of those things that seems like such a great idea in the moment, but later it ends up haunting you.

The sad truth is, no matter if you're a teenager or if you're 50, the act of telling someone (in writing or otherwise) that you think of them all the time, you care for them and you want to be together just won't be effective in changing their mind. If they don't like you already, the note will likely smother or annoy them. This type of love letter is only a delivery mechanism for the message that doesn't want to be heard. On the receiving end, it's plain old begging and desperation.

I think the only way to get with someone is to hope the two of you have strong, undeniable chemistry and genuinely enjoy each other's company. Hence, flirting. I guess I did this kid an injustice by helping him with his sad letter instead of telling him to flirt his ass off, but I am secretly hoping that all of my theories are wrong and somehow his letter will, someday in the distant future, be credited as the very reason they fell in love.