Zesty Armpit Dance

There's a lil' something for everyone, but not a whole lot for anyone.

Monday, August 08, 2005

Psychic hoax or Miracle worker?

In a previous post, I wrote about a flyer I found on my way to work in which the author promises to recall my lost memories, down to the second. I decided to investigate this claim by sending an email with a true memory. I had to lie about my last name and where I live strictly as a murder prevention tactic. Besides, if someone is going to help you remember something from your past, do they really have to know where you live? I figured this whole thing is either a new age sham or some kind of social experiment put together by a college student. This is what I wrote on Thursday July 21 :

Dear Miss Vague,

My name is Wendy and I found a flyer advertising your services. I am writing to ask for your help. As requested in your flyer, I will provide the information you need.

1. My name is Wendy Magga-Zine.
2. I was born on May 12, 1975.
3. I am a female.
4. The forgotten memory I would like to recall is from June 1987, but I cannot remember the specific day or the minute/second. I will estimate it was late June (because I remember it was sweltering hot) and it was probably 10 PM or so. Let's
say 10:30:01
5. My location at that moment was Great Woods Center for the Performing Arts, a stadium located in Mansfield, MA. I was at a Bon Jovi concert. It was the Slippery When Wet tour.
6. Right now, I am unable to provide a mailing address because I am staying with my aunt for two weeks or so and then I am subletting a room for one month, but I haven't secured housing yet. If you could just respond to this email account, I would really appreciate it.
7. Additional info: I was at the concert with my brother and two sisters. I was wearing red jeans that I doused in bleach, so they had some orange spots on them. I also had a baseball style shirt with a image of Jon Bon Jovi on the front. The moment I cannot remember follows immediately after the point in the concert when Jon Bon Jovi had been lifted into the audience to a special platform. He was suspended on a very long cord attached to a mechanism that propelled him to a few rows in front of me.

Please respond soon (via email) because now that I know someone can help me remember, this is all I'm going to be thinking about.

Thanks,
Wendy




Now, the funny thing is that this really is a memory from my childhood, but unbeknownst to Yuki M. aka "Miss Vague," I actually do recall the moment immediately following 10:30:01 in June of 1987. After hunky Jon Bon Jovi was propelled in his harness to a platform a few (uh, maybe it was more like 20) rows in front of me, he sang a few songs. During one of these show closers, I tossed a tiny teddy bear towards him. The teddy bear was wearing a tiny "I heart Jon" t-shirt. I bought them both seperately at my favorite arts/crafts/office supply store, Paperama. In my adolescent mind, Jon was going to catch that tiny teddy mid-song and wink at me. That may or may not have led to a Courtney Cox/Bruce Springstein moment, depending on how close his body guards were and whether this incident could be captured in footage to later be used in a music video. But what really happened is that I threw the damn thing and I missed. It didn't even come close to Jon's special platform. Livin' on a prayer indeed.

On Friday August 5th (one day LATE according to the duration of time advertised in Miss Vague's flyer) I received the following email. The name on the account was "Yuki M."

Dear Wendy,

Thanks so much for your lost memory retrieval request! Unfortunately, I have been experiencing a number of technical difficulties in the recovery of your forgotten moment. I will be able to resolve these issues in the next week or so, and your lost memory will be ready no later than August 15. I apologize for any inconvenience this delay may cause you. Also, your memory will contain actual objects, which cannot be sent to you via e-mail. If you do not yet have a mailing address, I could arrange to drop it off for you at the place of your choice (a cafe, for instance). Please let me know what you think.Thanks for your patience, and happy 10:03 pm Pacific Time!

Cheers,
y




Man, I can't believe the delay on this request. It's been such an inconvenience! Miss Cleo she's not. So, is anyone willing to lend me their mailing address? I think if I can provide her with an East Coast address, I will surely foil her murder/stalking scheme. Plus, I won't have to meet her and laugh in her face when she hands me a tarot card or a zodiac trinket. What if I do go meet her and she gives me is a tattered photo of Jon Bon Jovi and some old acid washed jeans? Or better, what if she could produce a tiny teddy bear wearing a personalized t-shirt? I think I'd drop dead on the spot. Better go with the fake address plan, huh?

8 Comments:

  • At 10:23 AM, Blogger Dustin said…

    I saw Living Space in Concord this past weekend. The band after them had a groupie with a Bon Jovi tattoo on her back. That is all.

     
  • At 12:28 AM, Blogger Jefferson said…

    I think it would be even weirder if she met you at a cafe wearing that plastic hose mechanism that Richie used to make the "wa-uh wa-uh" sound in Living On A Prayer and she told you your memory speaking through it.

     
  • At 4:38 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Um... yeah, that would qualify as weird, monkeyman...

    Hey, what if you use the address-I'm-about-to-move-from? Could they sue me for not disclosing that I had tendencies toward pointing axe-murderers to purchases of my properties?

    PS BnB logging in as anon because I can't remember my password on the work computer... gah!

     
  • At 4:39 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    PS That should be "purchasers." I blame two glasses of wine.

     
  • At 11:06 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I was in the process of researching the circumstances of your "forgotten moment" (which in fact happened in July 1987 and not June). To my surprise, Google led me to the exact memory you had asked me to recover, word for word. Although I fail to see the point of asking for help remembering something one has't forgotten, here is your memory, as promised:

    After hunky Jon Bon Jovi was propelled in his harness to a platform a few (uh, maybe it was more like 20) rows in front of me, he sang a few songs. During one of these show closers, I tossed a tiny teddy bear towards him. The teddy bear was wearing a tiny "I heart Jon" t-shirt. I bought them both seperately at my favorite arts/crafts/office supply store, Paperama. In my adolescent mind, Jon was going to catch that tiny teddy mid-song and wink at me. That may or may not have led to a Courtney Cox/Bruce Springstein moment, depending on how close his body guards were and whether this incident could be captured in footage to later be used in a music video. But what really happened is that I threw the damn thing and I missed. It didn't even come close to Jon's special platform. Livin' on a prayer indeed.

    The lost memory retrieval service is customarily a service which provides the client with a synthetic memory based on fact and fiction. Its purpose it to fill the empty spot in the client's memory with a new moment to remember, and/or propose a version of what may have actually happened. Either way, my hope is to allow the client a new, perhaps more intimate, relationship with his or her memory. As it appears you have no interest in receiving such a thing, I trust you will find the above "story" quite satisfactory.

    Cheers,

    Yuki M.

     
  • At 11:34 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I saw one of these as well, and I thought it was funny, intriguing and
    very San Francisco - I was googling for it when I found your blog. It
    surprises me though that you went to such lengths to "investigate" -
    the text of the flyer seemed lighthearted enough, but your
    "investigation" and the hints of stalking and murder sound rather
    cynical and "Santa Claus doesn't exist"-like. Maybe if you lightened
    up a little and managed to retain a certain innocence, you *could*
    actually retrieve some beautiful, lost, memories...

     
  • At 12:47 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Yes Wendy, you need to lighten up. That post is *so* serious, as is the picture of John. Perhaps if you were to pray to John as the god that we know him to be, your prayers would be answered. If you get any response from John on High, please tell him to smite down 'Miss Vague' with his powerful wrath. There are already far too many people out there who think they're so very clever. The fact that she used Google to research your memory is very disappointing.

    Excuse me. I have to go retain some innocence now. I've been expelling it into the toilet, but I hear that's not good for my bowels or the plumbing.

     
  • At 3:31 PM, Blogger Freewendy said…

    Reminder: It is impossible to retrieve "lost memories."

    Even if it were possible, using Google is cheating!!!

     

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