tree murder

My stingy landlord has ignored the horrible drooping willow tree for the three years I've lived in this apartment. The tree blocks all light, thwarting my plans of a pretty garden. It also shits seeds, so weeds (actually baby trees) are a major pain in my ass (wrists).

This tree has become my nemesis. Gardening is one of those pesky things that should have been arranged in the lease, but it's not. The tree receives many compliments from friends and visitors, despite the fact that it sucks my soul. Sure, it's decent looking. But mostly it's an out-of-control sun-sucking beast that wants to end me with a crippling blow of full-body arthritis.

Be on the lookout, renters! Your landlord's yard shouldn't be your problem, unless he/she wants to knock some off the rent. My previous landlords required us to mow the lawn once a month, which seemed fair to me. But hours of sweeping and gardening a month for this tiny litterbox is another story. Grrrr!

Finally we complained that all this tree flailing about could be dangerous, seeing as it's overgrown into 3 neighbor's yards. So landlord admits that her husband is a contractor(!) and she sends him over to trim the tree and do some other fixes.

This boggles my minds, since she's ignored most of our other complaints (wood rot, leaking pipes, broken dishwasher, smelly plumbing etc.) The whole time, she's been shacking up with Bob Fucking Vila!

Just a reminder to all you kids out there that if you want something done, you need to bitch bitch bitch. Don't be shy. When you want something SCREAM. And always find out what your landlord's spouse does for a living.

He's spent a few hours in the backyard now with his little buzzsaw on a stick, and it's music to my ears. Every time that saw buzzes a shimmer of joy tingles my spine and I creep to the back window to see what's happening and giggle uncontrollably. It's as if I'm the sole witness to the shaving of Michael Bolton's mullet. Praise Jesus!