Bootcamp Week 6: you can pass out now

My final week in bootcamp was a doozie, starting with sleeping in on Monday. This may or may not been related to the 5 beers I drank the previous afternoon at Pierre’s house. On Tuesday, I spent the entire drive to class bitching about how I don’t feel like I’m in the best shape of my life, and all the claims made by the bootcamp marketing are fraudulent. Bitch, bitch, bitch. Why can't I run 10 miles yet!?!? We started class with running two laps followed by a “light jog” to Kezar Stadium, where I realized that what is defined by “light jog” to everyone else is actually running to me.

Jogging is such an 80s term. Joggers wear terry cloth headbands and hideous silky mini-shorts with slits up the side. Joggers are frumpy and have Richard Simmons hair. I'm a runner!

For our final assessment day, we had to run the mile & a half for comparison to our performance six weeks ago. Turns out, I was able to shave 2 minutes off the original time, which is fantastic, despite the fact that reducing my time wasn’t my goal. My goal was to be able to continuously run a mile and a half without stopping, and I did that. Then I realized that Shit, this is the best shape I’ve ever been in my life.…in my adult life, anyway. So the bootcamp claims are true.

Miraculously, I was able to do 81 sit-ups in a minute, an increase of 25 sit-ups from my fist attempt six weeks back. Stevan called me the Sit-up Queen! Me? Yes, me. He said women can rarely do 80 in a minute. Maybe I’m an android. I’d prefer to be the Sit-up Android over the Sit-Up Queen anyday. Other final results include: a slight increase in reach/stretch ability, some weight loss and decrease in body mass index, and absolutely no progress on the push-ups. But it's not about the numbers at all. I mean, they helped me see progress, but what matters is actually doing something. So, I ask myself what's next. Self, can you do this? Will you?

I have officially conquered my fear of working out, which was my primary goal in this experience. Getting up, getting out there and doing it is the hard part. What I learned was that when you've pushed yourself as far as you can go and your body is saying "No! No more!" you have to say, "We have to do this" and keep going further. There is lots of arguing with the inside voice.

Since bootcamp has ended, I've been running every weekday, and we bought some Therma-bands to maintain the muscle strengthening aspect of the regime. We also bought yoga mats and signed up for a 5-week introductory session at the neighborhood yoga joint. During the final week of bootcamp, I found myself wishing for just one more week of class so I could make more progress. Look at me, asking for more. It occurred to me that even though the 6 week class is done, that doesn’t mean the journey is over. And I use the very corny word "journey" intentionally, because I know from observing the psychos in class that it takes a lifelong commitment to being healthy and in shape. You have to keep pushing yourself and challenging yourself, but in the end it's worth it. If you need proof, just cover the face on this body with your thumb and focus on the torso.



Ask yourself: Would you fuck this man? I think you would.